


My Love Will Never Die

by Old_Time_Entombed



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, F/M, No Beta We Die Like Rory, Post-Episode: s02e13 Doomsday, Post-Episode: s04e13 Journey's End, Rose Tyler Loves the Doctor, The Doctor Loves Rose Tyler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:41:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26167321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Old_Time_Entombed/pseuds/Old_Time_Entombed
Summary: For everyone, it may seem that Canary Wharf is just a bad memory, and Bad Wolf Bay is just a beach.But, for the Doctor, they are so much more than that.
Relationships: Eleventh Doctor/Rose Tyler, The Doctor (Doctor Who)/Rose Tyler
Comments: 5
Kudos: 48





	My Love Will Never Die

**Author's Note:**

> At this point, I will admit that it's not likely that I will get over this two.  
> English is not my first language, all mistakes are mine.  
> Title comes from the song "My love will never die" by AG and Claire Wyndham.

For everyone, it may seem that Canary Wharf is just a bad memory, and Bad Wolf Bay is just a beach.

But, for the Doctor, they are so much more than that.

He tries to avoid both as much as possible.

Every time that he takes one of his companions to London he stays away from that part of the city. London is a big city so no one notices.

He has never returned to that damn beach. No, he can't. Because there's no need to and if he ever stumbles upon it again he knows it would break his hearts all over again.

He doesn't want to remember what happened.

At times he doesn't want to remember _her_ almost as much as he wants to never forget.

Centuries have passed since the last time he saw her, but he still remembers her every day. He knows he broke his promise in this regeneration, he never talks about her, never tells anyone about her. She didn't want to be forgotten. But he doesn't talk about her because it _hurts_ as if he had lost her yesterday.

So he doesn't talk.

But she is there, always there; she is in his hearts as she is supposed to be. He may pretend that he forgets, but that is far from the truth.

He walks through the TARDIS while his companions sleep. He knows she misses her as much as he does. He sees wolves and roses in all sorts of patterns or even in just a simple image. They're all over the ship. They're in the library, in the galley, through the halls. Sometimes he catches her replaying footage of when she was there.

He goes to her room sometimes. It's still exactly the same as she left it; there are clothes on the floor, makeup on the vanity and photos on the nightstand.

The room looks as if someone was going to come back any minute. He sits on the bed and grabs a photo album. He has been doing this for years now. He has all its contents memorized by now but it doesn't matter, he keeps looking anyway.

A picture of them eating chips after watching the end of the world. Their first date. The one where she had to pay.

One of her in that dress after the whole thing with Charles Dickens. That was the first time he called her beautiful, only to backtrack once he realized what he said.

There's one of them on Woman Wept where they are holding hands and looking at each other with frozen waves behind them. Jack probably took that one while they were distracted.

Another is of them wearing paper crowns at Christmas, beaming at the camera without a care in the world.

There are lots of pictures. There's pictures with his ninth self, his tenth self, Jack, Mickey, Jackie and her.

He puts the photo album aside and looks around the room. After some time he leaves and no one ever knows he's been there.

He almost never sleeps. He doesn't need it as much as his human companions anyway, superior Time Lord biology and all that. But when he does, he dreams about her. About her laugh and her smile and how it felt when they were holding hands. Sometimes he dreams about her falling, almost dying, and that beach. He always wakes up with tears in eyes and his cheeks wet, even though he thought that he had ran out of tears a long time ago.

But every time he puts on his cheery mask and runs to the next adventure.

And he runs and keeps running, but there's always something that reminds him of what he's running away from.

_"Think about it, Doctor, one last day with your beloved. Which day would you choose?"_

Well he knows, doesn't he? New Year's Day, apparently.

_"What do Time Lords pray to?"_

He already said this, a long time ago. He believes in _her._

At the best of times he's too caught up with everything that's happening in the universe, and he doesn't have time to properly think. But sometimes he wonders.

What would she think about this New New New Doctor?

Would she like him?

Would she want to stay?

Is she happy?

He has to believe that she is. She is with her family after all and with a Doctor that can give her everything he can't. That doesn't stop him from looking up and thinking _please, my precious girl, you always manage to do the impossible, can you do it one last time?_

He knows it's useless, but he has to hope.

He keeps running.

That's what he has always done and that's what he'll do until his time is up.

Funny that, he always seems to run out of time.

It's always the same story at the end.

So yeah, for everyone, Canary Wharf is just a bad memory, and Bad Wolf Bay is just a beach.

For the Doctor, they represent the worst days of his life (apart from burning Gallifrey), they are misery and loss, all the things he didn't do, all the things he didn't say.

The things he _couldn't_ say because he was a coward. That sentence he never finished.

But there are times when he's alone in the TARDIS, when there's no one but his ship and his thoughts, and he says it in his mind, and he shouts it at the universe.

How was that sentence going to end?

_I love you._

It was the truth then and it's the truth now.

It will stay that way.

_Forever._

And he continues running, taking companions and saving the universe.

Because even if she isn't with him anymore. She is still out there.

Somewhere in the universe.

Holding his hand and running with him.

His pink and yellow human.

Defender of the Earth.

The human girl that said no.

Dame of the Powell Estate.

The girl that always came back to him.

The Bad Wolf.

_Rose._

Rose Tyler.

His fantastic Rose.

All through time and space she is there with him.

And if he has nothing else, then he can have the memory.

The Doctor and Rose Tyler in the TARDIS, just as it should be.

**Author's Note:**

> This was actually the first fanfic I wrote for Doctor Who and my first attempt at writing angst.  
> It's posted on my Wattpad Account under the name If You Stay: https://www.wattpad.com/story/227253872-if-you-stay-the-doctor-x-rose  
> Tell me what you think about it!  
> Thanks for reading.


End file.
